Dear Amy: My late first wife has a sister who hosts dinner on Christmas Eve.
I remarried after my wife’s death, and three out of five boys in our blended family, ages 18 to 27, attend their aunt’s dinner. (The other two boys, his half-brothers, are also adults.)
The event takes place just before 10 p.m., resulting in participants weary for our Christmas morning, as well as no Christmas Eve for our blended family.
My wife of seven years and I attended with the whole family the year we were married, but haven’t parted since. The house is small, and we are trying to carry on with our family traditions and make new memories.
We asked the boys’ aunt a few years ago if she was willing to host her event on 23 December so that the three sons could participate in our own Christmas with little impact.
The response was, “Not at all, Christmas Eve dinner is our tradition.”
The three participating boys are old enough to make their own decisions, but have expressed that they are caught in the middle of a Christmas Eve competition. We’ve also talked about this phenomenon in family therapy.
We don’t know whether it should drop or continue to express regret and volumes about this competitive annual Christmas Eve event.
half family on christmas eve
Dear Half Family: My response is not what you want to hear.
Many, many families share their time and attendance at various holiday celebrations. It is unrealistic for you to have all your adult children with you on Christmas Eve and the next day.
You have your very own mixed family celebration on Christmas Day.
I suggest that you adjust the timing of your celebration so that all your family members can regroup on Christmas morning and not arrive at your home.
This Auntie’s Christmas Eve tradition is very old, and because your sons choose to join in, I think you must admit, for them, it’s an important aspect of their Christmas celebrations. And so you should let them do it, and instead of hosting a competitive event you and your wife should reduce your Christmas Eve and consider the way you celebrate it (with her sons). Do… what do you do. Develop your own intimate traditions with a small group.
This whole issue is obviously a big sticking point with you, but if you couldn’t work it to your satisfaction in family therapy, I’d say the adult response would be to accept things and stop pushing.
Dear Amy: I have two grandchildren who are bothering me a lot. One child is 9 years old and the other is 5 years old.
Here’s my concern: The 9-year-old weighs 140 pounds, and the 5-year-old weighs 80.
They are both almost twice the average weight of children their age. Both the boys are covered with marble fat.
How can I address my concerns for my son and his wife’s health with him?
Dear Grampa: Childhood obesity rates in the US are indeed worrying, according to data published by the CDC (cdc.gov): “In 2017-18, the prevalence of obesity was 19.3% and affected approximately 14.4 million children and adolescents. The prevalence of obesity was 13.4% among 2 to 5 year olds, 20.3% among 6 to 11 year olds and 21.2% among 12 to 19 year olds.
Obesity in children can lead to serious health problems, including diabetes and high cholesterol.
Yes, you should express your concern. You can start by saying, “I’m concerned about the boys’ weight. Have they had a health checkup this year? Did the pediatrician bring it up?”
You can expect a defensive reaction from these parents, but if you are open and non-judgmental about the topic, it may motivate them to continue talking to you about it and work on a solution. Is.
Dear Amy: Thanks for publishing the question from “Underperformer,” a woman whose husband was demanding that she submit to a sex act she “hated,” and who refused to kiss her because she didn’t. .
I was shocked when I read the question, because I could write it.
Thank you for breaking from your usual practice of urging couples to work out—and for telling her, point blank, to get out.
I wish I had followed this clear advice years ago. I would have survived the growing abuse over the years.
Dear Survivor: The number (over 100) of women responding with similar stories is clearly heartbreaking.
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow him on Twitter @askingamy or on Facebook.