Dad reprimanded for leaving wife with high-risk pregnancy on foreign trip

A father is being lambasted online for planning to go on a 10-day festive trip to Europe while his wife is 33 weeks pregnant — and his doctors ordered her to “take it easy” to boot .

Reddit user u/mneis927272 shared her story on the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit, asking if she was wrong about being uneasy about her husband’s planned trip. She earned over 8,300 upvotes and 1,300 comments for herself Post“AITA for making my husband feel bad about going on a trip when I’m 33 weeks pregnant (high risk)?”

She says her husband plans to go on a fully-paid trip to Europe with coworkers—and he also plans to spend a few extra days visiting family. When he is gone, however, she will be in the 33rd week of a high-risk pregnancy with her second child.

The original poster (OP) wrote, “While I would really love to go to her and have some fun, there are a number of reasons why I don’t feel good about her going on this trip.” about time.

At the top of the list, of course, is a high-risk pregnancy. The couple’s first child was born prematurely, and she has had the same problem with her pregnancy – although she says the medicine she’s been given to prevent that from happening is working.

Even though she’s on her way to a normal pregnancy, there’s a chance that the new baby could also be premature—and a recent test showed she’s at higher risk of pre-eclampsia, a medical condition that Can be very dangerous to both the mother and fetus, and according to the Cleveland Clinic, cause 15 percent of premature births.

The couple also has a child, who will have to look after her while her husband is gone. However, her doctors told her that she couldn’t lift anything, including totals, and needed to be careful not to do too much. Not only that, but they moved to a new country, and they don’t really have relationships with people yet, which means that if something happened, she wouldn’t know who to call.

In addition to the increased medical risks, OP says that since her first child was born during the 32nd week of pregnancy, it is an emotionally filled time for her. The child spent two months in the hospital, and during that entire time, they were worried that he would not survive.

She wrote, “Reaching 32 weeks will be a milestone, but at the same time it brings back memories. I’m not feeling very confident, the more I go on.”

For the journey itself—not only is it 10 days long, the journey is 15 hours by flight, not counting the distance between the two flights needed to get there. It is also a famous party destination.

“Lots of alcohol and what would not be involved, making a potential ’emergency’ flight home impossible. I think this is inconsistent and irresponsible given the situation,” wrote u/MNEIS 927272.

“Although I don’t want to tell him that he can’t go, I’ve told him that I feel uncomfortable going on this trip. He says he feels bad for leaving, but doesn’t consider canceling ,” He added.

A mother asked if she did not want to let her husband travel abroad while she was due to be in a high-risk pregnancy at 33 weeks.
iStock/Getty

According to the Signature Perinatal Center, a support system is one of the most important things in a high-risk pregnancy. It also recommends joining a high-risk pregnancy support group, or a Facebook group dedicated to the topic. Just because the OP doesn’t have many people they can reach in person, those methods can help provide a safety net.

The center has two related pieces of advice relevant to someone going through a high-risk pregnancy: “Put your self-care first” and “Address mental health concerns.” The center urges people to avoid stress, exercise and eat healthy to help work towards an easier delivery. But during this time it is also important to keep the mind healthy.

These recommendations from the Signature Perinatal Center all point to one answer, and Reddit agreed: Her husband should stay home.

,[Not the A**hole], If your husband is old enough to be husband and father, he is old enough to put aside his desires and focus on his duties: for you, for your child, and for your yet-unborn child,” u/allmg wrote the top-rated comment, earning 14,300 upvotes. “Given all the risk factors for your pregnancy, that [would be the a**hole] If he had gone on this trip anyway. She should be at home, helping the baby, and making sure you’re following doctors’ orders to protect your baby.

“Will it be a waste for him? Yes. Is it a waste? Absolutely? Does that change things? No. Being an adult means making tough choices, and this is one of those times,” he continued.

“OP, show him the comments on this post. If he decides to leave anyway, you know where you (along with your baby and unborn child) fall on his priority list. He’s going to take care of his responsibilities.” Would rather party and travel, and that’s just plain. I want to rethink my marriage in a way so selfish and abusive,” suggested u/macd0g.

“She shouldn’t be the first to take care of the child Now he Let alone at 32 weeks,” wrote u/throwawayhater3343. ,[Not the A**hole] OP, this visit shouldn’t even be on the table unless the nurse and nanny schedule a full time to be with you. I really hope you and the new sprout get through this ok but your husband is No Right now being a husband or a father.”

“That baby she can’t raise is the part that’s driving me crazy. Like, has her husband given any thoughts about caring for her baby for 10 days when she’s single and unable to raise him? If my husband leaves me in this position to go to the party, I will reconsider my entire marriage.”

newsweek Contact u/mneis927272 for comments.

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