The internet came to the defense of a man who wanted to throw a birthday party for his “grounded” teenage daughter against her mother’s wishes.
Published on On Reddit r/AmITeA*****, a mother under the anonymous username u/throw9779965 shared her story to get feedback from the “AITA” community.
The original poster (OP) began her story by stating that her 15-year-old daughter was grounded for reasons she did not address in her post. Her daughter was punished with two fines: she cannot go out for four days and her birthday party was cancelled. The OP also mentioned that she let her daughter keep the electronics.
Recently, her ex called and asked why she decided to cancel the party. When she presented her reasoning, he said he would throw a party instead. The OP refused, telling him she was grounded.
She said, “He called me [ridiculous] but I told him he was encouraging bad behavior and acting like a cool parent instead of working with me to fix these behavioral issues. He said since he’s also a parent, I can’t stop him from throwing her a party, and he’ll do it tomorrow. We had a fight and my husband agrees that my ex helps out.”
She believes her ex is “undermining” her parenting.
Newsweek contacted u/throw9779965 for comment. We were unable to verify the details of the case.
Newsweek has published several articles on parenting, including how “peaceful parenting” can create positive parent-child relationships, 11 parenting tips you wish you knew sooner, and tips for dealing with “promzilla” teens.
Activists in the parental relationship
A “helper” is a person who allows someone to continue dangerous or harmful behavior, a relationship therapist Lia Huynh He said Newsweek.
Huynh discussed the “enabling” red flags to look out for. “The activating person can justify the person, not set boundaries or allow them to experience the consequences of their actions. In turn, this person has no reason to change and continues this harmful behavior.”
She explained herself Newsweek that it can be difficult to be a co-parent if two people are no longer married. She suggested that the woman and her ex discuss a compromise.
“If she tried and he doesn’t want to work with her, I would stick to my own decision to do what’s best for my daughter, even if she’s not happy with it and despite what her dad is doing. I would make sure I work very hard to have a healthy relationship with my daughter. A mother cannot control what dad does, but she can control how she raises her daughter,” she said Newsweek.
“[You’re the a******]. What a punishment [lets] the child still has access to his electronics, but does not allow him to celebrate his birthday? This is ridiculous,” wrote u/NUT-me-SHELL, receiving top comment with over 27,000 upvotes.
U/JeepersCreepers74 wrote: “[You’re the a******]. If your daughter has done something bad enough to warrant canceling the birthday party and grounding her on her birthday, then it’s bad enough that you and your ex need to discuss the appropriate punishment before awarding it and generally be on the same page.
“You did not do that. You acted unilaterally deciding how to deal with her, and he just does the exact same thing. In other words, you also undermined his parenting,” the commentator continued.
“My child can’t do much to justify canceling a birthday party while still allowing him to keep his electronics,” explained u/bolivia_422. “So it seems like linking the penalty to their birthdays, which happens once a year. [You’re the a******] because it feels like a decision made out of anger and anger, not a punishment that should be a learning moment.”
U/Cynthia_Castillo677 asked: “[You’re the a******]. Penalties are fine if justified, but this does not include taking away special occasions/holidays. What’s wrong with you? I knew a girl whose mother took her vacation “as punishment”. The girl in question no longer has contact with her parents and this is indeed one of the reasons. Because seriously, who the f*ck does that?”
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