ABBA’S WAY: During one of the last meetings my friend commented on my size. She said, “I shouldn’t be complaining about the weight gain. I am smaller than you. It was really rude.
I thought about that comment and how to approach him for a week, and the next time I saw her, I asked her not to pick up my size when she complains about hers.
Instead of apologizing, she took 15 minutes to justify what she said. But there was no real justification.
I have avoided her ever since. He keeps reaching out and asking you to spend time with me, but at this point I don’t feel like I should. What would you do?
INJURED IN HAWAIA
DEAR INJURED: I would tell her no and tell her exactly why.
ABBA’S WAY: I am raising my daughter’s first child. Joey is 10 years old and has been living with my husband and me full time for four years.
I love him very much and enjoy being his “mom” but I’m not very good at helping him with his homework.
My daughter has no time for him. She has two other children with another dad. Stepfather doesn’t want to be Joey’s father.
I’m Joey’s everything. My life revolves around him. But Abby, at 52, I feel I deserve the right to do what I want at this point in my life.
I feel like I would punish Joey if I gave him to my mom for raising. His biological father is not in his life, although his paternal grandparents have contact with him.
Your thoughts on this situation?
LIKE A MOM IN SOUTH KAROLINA
Loved As Mom: Willingly. When Joey’s 18, you’ll be 60. It’s not over yet. Please don’t give up on your grandson at this point.
As you said, you are “everything” to him, and in this case it is literally true.
Joey’s paternal grandparents did a terrible job raising their irresponsible son. Would you really consider telling them Joey to screw up? Stay on course!
ABBA’S WAY: My husband has cerebral palsy. He can speak, but his speech is slightly slurred. He can walk, but he is swaying on his feet.
We love to go out and have a few drinks, but the problem is people think he’s intoxicated. We were thrown out of our seats. We almost got kicked out of the carpooling service until I told the driver he was disabled. We were at a concert going up the stairs (I had a beer) and everyone was looking at him thinking he was drunk.
Do you have any advice (no sign posted that he is disabled)?
DEAR SPOUSE: Your husband shouldn’t show the sign. When you go to a bar or restaurant, inform the manager or bartender as soon as you enter that your husband has a disability that affects his balance. While it won’t work in large crowds, such as at a concert, it should save you and your husband from misunderstandings in smaller venues.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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