Internet backs daughter going out after forcing ‘siblings’ to ‘raise’

A daughter gained attention online after she shared her mother’s anger for going out, in a situation some dubbed “parentification”.


The 20-year-old woman posted it to the popular subreddit “Am I the A**hole” just two days ago, and has already garnered more than 14,000 votes on her position.

According to the poster, she is the eldest of five siblings aged 11, who have a 9, 5 and 3 year old along with a 10 month old baby. She claimed that she “raised the child” for her siblings and often felt more like a mother than her actual roommate. He said the siblings have different fathers, neither of whom is in the current picture.


She wrote, “I cook, clean and basically do anything… our mother, I love her but she is not great.”

“When my mom found out about my plan she told me that I can’t go out because she ‘needs’ me and can’t cope alone and how selfish I am and I have responsibilities that are more important.”


“I admit I’ve lost it because I’ve been the only one to put my responsibilities first and I told her it’s not my job to raise my kids, she now thinks I’m entitled and spoiled And even told my younger brother how I am going to leave them all behind because I am very interested in myself.” “It was a bomb he dropped before going to the party and I spent the whole night trying to console him.”

As several respondents pointed out, the situation appears similar to a phenomenon called “parentification” in which a sibling, often the eldest, takes on the role of parenting to care for their younger siblings. The incident has been the subject of TV shows such as shamelessIn which the devastating and life-long effects have also been clarified.

psychology today Defines parenting as “when a child is forced to take on the role of an adult. Many children are pushed into the role of caretaker for their younger siblings or by their parents’ arguments.” become referees in


Various studies have suggested that approximately 1.4 million children in the US experience some form of parenting, making the Reddit poster far from a unique case.

Stock image of a woman going out of the house.
Getty Images

With that in mind, the reactions were unanimous—she wasn’t wrong.

“What should you do… never leave the house?” asked a user. “Your youngest brother is 10 months old, should you stay at home to take care of your siblings? You deserve your life, and these are not your kids. You deserve… to have your life.” for. If she needs help with childcare, she needs to source it elsewhere. I’m sure you love your siblings and still want to take an active part in their lives, but it’s yours No responsibility. If you want to have kids yourself, then this time right now in your 20s you will have complete freedom. Take advantage of it. You are not being selfish. Your mother is being selfish to take away from you trying.”


“Your mom is taking you lightly and trying to use the kids as pawns to blame you for being there so she doesn’t lose her live-in nanny,” added another.

While one Reddit user similarly shared: “You can’t help your siblings if you’re unable to take care of yourself. You’re not responsible for raising them, but I understand you’re worried about them.” Why are there. Many people have been in your position and the best thing they did was move out. Now that they are established they can do so much more for their siblings. You have to pay attention to them There’s no need to even focus. It’s not really your responsibility.”