A pregnant woman has been praised online for being honest with her husband, saying she doesn’t want to name her new baby after the wife and daughter she lost nearly a decade ago.
Everyone deals with grief in different ways and while it is important to find a way to live through loss, remembering and celebrating the lives of those loved ones is an important part of the process. As Catherine C. Nordl, PhD, a licensed psychologist, explained, this can take a variety of forms.
“It could be that you decide to collect donations for the deceased’s favorite charity, give a family name to a child or plant a garden in memory,” she told the American Psychological Association. “What you choose is up to you, as long as it allows you to respect the unique relationship that feels right to you.”
However, it appears that an expectant father has taken the concept to an extreme in an attempt to honor the memory of wife and child under tragic circumstances.
Unfortunately for him, his second wife objected to his extreme plan and many people spoke out in his support of the idea.
According to the expectant mother, who shared her story to Reddit under the handle Icy-Project3837 in a post that earned over 12,000 upvotes, her husband John’s first wife, Isabel, died 9 years ago in a car accident that left her The life of the unborn was also claimed. Baby, Rose.
“John was not in the accident, but he blamed himself for their deaths because he was working and Isabel didn’t have time to drive,” she wrote. “Obviously it was very painful and he had to go to therapy for a long time to recover. He still sometimes talks about Isabel and keeps pictures of her in the house.”
Five months ago, she found out that she was pregnant with a girl. Since then they’ve been “throwing baby name suggestions around” without compromising on one.
Then, out of the blue, he declared that he “finally knew” what to call: “Isabelle as a first name and Rose as a middle name.” His wife admitted that she was “baffled for obvious reasons” by his suggestion, especially as he had “never mentioned” to respect her in this way.
“I told her I wasn’t comfortable naming my baby Isabel Rose because it would look like we were trying to change them,” she said. “He kept trying to convince me that it would be as if his departed family could be resurrected through our daughter, but I just want our daughter to be his own personality.”
She said that John reprimanded her for expressing her concerns and accused her of trying to act like his first wife and unborn child “never existed.” Although she insisted that this was “not true” and that there were other ways the theft could “remember them” with her daughter, she insisted it was the “best way” to do so.
He labeled her a “hypocrite” as he had suggested using his sister’s name as a middle name and accused her of “disrespecting the dead”.
Meanwhile, the family of John’s late wife, Isabel, have started sending him Facebook messages “begging” to name their daughter after Isabel.
But while friends and family have urged her to go easy as she is still “mourning”, many on social media still felt that, despite her husband’s fragile mental state and pleas from others , he is right to reject the idea of his name.
TheLastLibrairian1 said: “Your daughter is a child, not a memorial to the dead” Bikjohnson wrote: “This whole situation is Trauma City. For dad, for mom, for baby. Just name her something else.”
Potential_Speech_703 felt that the whole idea was “very unhealthy” and that while the family of her husband’s late first wife “needs to heal” their new wife’s child is neither theirs nor their treatment.
Gnarled_Gnat called the proposal “very disturbing”.
Meanwhile, Worldly_Science realized that it was clear that the husband needed immediate help to resolve his issues before the baby arrived. “It’s not on you or the crutches of your soon-to-be baby daughter,” he said. “Your child is not a replacement or a substitute and he needs to learn how to deal with it!”
Aylouria agreed, commenting: “It seems like he’s going to need to sort things out with his psyche in order to be a better father. Otherwise, he could be really unreasonable, turning your kid into a mini-Isabel. trying to change.”
popular-beginning-70 Added: “It’s still your baby, not Isabel’s… Don’t hold back on name choice. It’s your baby too.”
newsweek Icy-Project3837 has been reached for comment.