Thousands of Internet commenters were quick to call out one mother, who explained why she forbids her teenage daughter to give up competitive dancing.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Primaballerina1992 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said that she danced as a child and understands the difficulties that come with it. , but made it clear that hanging pointe shoes above are not an option.
title, “[Am I the a**hole] For not letting my daughter give up competitive dancing?” has since been deleted Post It has garnered over 5,000 votes and 3,000 comments in the last day.
Writing that her family had just moved to a new state, the original poster stated that her daughter had previously studied French and wanted to continue, but was disappointed to find that her new school offered the language. does not do.
As a temporary measure, the teenager suggested taking private French lessons instead of dance lessons, but was promptly turned down by the original poster.
“She came to me the other day and told me her new school doesn’t offer French … and asked me if I could sign her up for private French classes,” the OP wrote. “I told her not at all with her dance that she wouldn’t have time for that and it’s also [difficult] of one subject, taking up too much of your time.
“She told me she hasn’t enjoyed dancing for a while and was too scared to tell me but she wants to quit,” Opie continued. “I told her she wouldn’t give up dancing because she’s so good at it and I’ve already invested a lot of money.
“He accused me of living oddly through him…and I” [grounded] For that,” said the OP.
For parents, giving up on love for certain sports, hobbies and other activities is a labor of love, and can rekindle the passion left behind in a previous life.
But from competitive dancing—in which more than 24 million Americans participated last year, according to Statista—to individual and team sports, many parents make the mistake of living out old dreams through their children.
“Most parents encourage children to do things that the parent enjoys,” reports the mental health website Good Therapy. “It can be difficult for parents to decide whether they are involved and supportive or obsessive in motivating their children to fulfill their broken dreams.”
Although parental support is often necessary for success in competitive youth activities, there is a fine line between being there for the child and living through them to an unrealized potential. And when that line is crossed, the consequences last a lifetime.
Good Therapy continues, “Parents should help … by supporting children to fulfill their dreams. When parents are unwilling or unable to do so, Children’s emotional and intellectual development can be stunted.” “This can make it difficult for children to be successful as adults, feel a sense of self-efficacy, or make decisions without parental input.”
Despite the negative connotations associated with giving up a sport or any other competitive activity, separation from a parent’s obsession can make a world of difference for children and is regarded as a function of personality rather than an admission of defeat and wasted money. should be done.
During the comment section of the viral Reddit post, several Redditors echoed this sentiment and lashed out at the original poster, ignoring their daughter’s wishes and logical explanation for wanting to quit competitive dancing.
“It’s right here that you’re not listening to your child’s interests,” wrote Redditor u/No-Rub1544 in the top comment of the post, which garnered nearly 11,000 votes. “He told you what he liked, you don’t believe him.
“Hopefully you believe the countless people who think [you’re the a**hole] and a huge [a**hole] on that,” he added bluntly.
Redditor u/Elfich47, whose comment has garnered more than 8,000 votes, offered a similar response.
“Your daughter told you the truth: She doesn’t want to dance anymore. Listen to what she’s saying,” he wrote. “If you keep her dancing, the only result is that when she turns 18 she burns her ballet shoes and then goes to college for languages.
“And she hates you for the next four years because you’re making her waste your time doing something she’ll start to hate,” he said. “Stop making it about yourself, make it about her… She doesn’t want to dance.”