Dear Amy: I met my husband when I was working part-time as a prostitute and he was a customer. We have been happily married for 30 years (I found a new career when we started dating).
We made up a story about meeting at a concert, but the mother-in-law does not believe it.
Twice now, she’s asked me to tell her “how we really met,” and for obvious reasons, I’ve stuck to our story.
She’s a great mom and mother-in-law and I know she’s hurt that I won’t tell her how we met.
What can I say to make her feel comfortable about never knowing the truth?
Dear holding company: You maintain that your mother-in-law’s feelings are hurt because you don’t want to tell her how you met her son. But you did Tell her.
I’d say that your mother-in-law asked two questions in 30 years doesn’t express a pressing need to get to know you or catch you, unless the two times she asked were in the last week.
If your mother-in-law seems extremely upset and you think talking about it might help, you can start with a few questions (always wait patiently for an answer): “You seem very curious. We said we met at a concert. What are you hoping to learn besides what we’ve told you?
She may have heard a rumor and wants to confirm it.
But this is your life and your story and you should deliver your own version: “This is our story and we’re sticking to it.”
Dear Amy: I am a single woman in my thirties. I have a PhD and currently run a thriving business.
I recently reconnected with an old friend. Early in the friendship, he revealed that he had a highly contagious STD. For this reason, we never crossed the border of “friendship”.
Lately we’ve had more time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company. We’ve already established that we like each other beyond friendship, but we haven’t discussed whether a physical relationship is possible.
I have questions but don’t know how to ask them.
Given that he has been celibate since his diagnosis, I’m not sure he would know how to answer my questions.
I don’t think I can be in a love relationship without s*x.
Do you know if couples can be happy without s*x?
Given the sensitivity of his diagnosis, how would I start a conversation about intimacy?
Right now our friendship is parked in the “friend zone” because I don’t know what to do from here.
We need some courage to talk about it.
Dear friend: You and your friend have already discussed his STD. Apparently, he felt good enough to share this information with you at the beginning of your friendship.
The whole thing has become even more important now that you are looking for safe ways to get out of the friend zone.
Honest conversation is the most intimate act adults can engage in. For this reason, the prospect of having a deep, insightful, and honest conversation can be intimidating.
I think you can be in a happy and fulfilling relationship without s*x, but that’s not what you want. It is essential that you recognize the meaning of your own needs and desires and express them honestly.
The way to handle a difficult conversation is to engage in it and then do your best to communicate clearly.
I think it’s worth taking the time to start by saying, “It’s hard for me to talk about this, so please bear with me.”
In addition to discussing the various relationship possibilities, if you both decide to move forward, you and he should get thorough medical information from your doctor.
I think you should also prepare yourself for the possibility that your friend might want to keep your friendship exactly where it is.
Dear Amy: Thank you for standing up for children! The “J in NY” question made me wince. It was the uncle who was offended when his 3-year-old nephew refused to hug him and the parents did not force the child to do so.
When children are taught that they have the right to speak no against unwanted touch, it protects them later.
I was there, I said no
Dear I was there: I received many responses to this question, all agreeing that children have the right to autonomy of their own bodies, and that parents should defend this right.
You can email Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.
#husbands #mom #doesnt #story #met