The Internet has rebuked a nurse who told an adoptive mother that she was not her daughter’s “real mother”.
Posting to Reddit’s “Am the A**hole” forum on Monday under the name u/whatsactual**k13, the mother said she told the nurse to “wash the bulls**t” during He said their conversation.
in just five hours, post collected Upset with over 16,000 upvotes and more than 2,300 comments, Redditors argued that adoptive mothers are, in fact, “real moms.”
At the beginning of her post, the mother revealed that she and her husband adopted their six-year-old daughter two years ago.
“She understands that she’s adopted, and we’ve made it clear over and over again that even though she doesn’t come from my ‘belly,’ we still love and treat her the way she did. Yes,” wrote the mother.
During a doctor’s visit the other day, the mother said her baby’s nurse commented on her and her daughter’s physical differences.
“The nurse comes with the discharge sheet, and commented that she would never have assumed I was my daughter’s mother because I looked nothing like her, which I don’t.” “Then I said, ‘Oh yeah, we adopted her so she doesn’t look like me or my husband.'”
“Then, this nurse goes, ‘Oh well then she’s not your daughter,’ the mother continued.
The mother said she was “confused” by the nurse’s remarks, so she reiterated that the six-year-old was her daughter.
“But technically she’s not your daughter, and her real mother is somewhere else,” replied the nurse.
When the mother explained that she was the girl’s mother, the nurse said: “Maybe legally you are, but her real mother is the one who gave birth to her … biologically, she is not yours.”
In anger, the woman cursed the nurse and left the office.
writing for Gladney Center for AdoptionFoster and adoptive mother Christina Gochnaur said the term “real mother” is “derogatory.”
“I’m not a fictional person. I’m as real as my kids’ biological mother is. Poke me, and I’m bleeding, pinch me, I’ll scream and all that. So every mom, that sense I am a real mother,” she wrote.
She also suggested that the term may cause “confusion” in children, and may even lead them to question their love for their adoptive parents.
Nefertiti Austin, a certified PS-MAPP trainer who co-leads classes for adoptive and foster parents, further explained that the term “adoptive parent” can also lead to alienation.
“This suggests that we are deceitful and that our efforts carry less weight than biological mothers,” she wrote. PBS KIDS, “Like natural moms, we struggle with time management, worry that our kids will grow up to hate us, pray that our daughter achieves the winning goal, and we’re riddled with horrible twins, twisted triplets, and awkward squares. Survive.”
The Adopted Together non-profit organization explained that when discussing a child’s biological parent, many adoption professionals suggest using the term “birth parent.”
Redditors agreed that Nurse’s use of the word “real mom” was “disgusting,” arguing that u/whattheactualf**k13 is her daughter’s “real” mom.
u/goodgirlsgrace wrote, “You don’t need to be a medical professional to have normal decency. That was so wrong and cruel. Adoptive mothers are real mothers.”
“File a formal complaint,” u/JCBashBash said. “She was standing there and wearing what is supposed to be a position of authority, dressed like a medical professional in front of your child, and just spouting her narrow thoughts and doing that. I’m looking forward to you.”
u/Emaretlee commented: “A formal complaint is an absolute necessity. Not only to her employers but to the Nursing Board. It’s absolutely disgusting on so many levels.”
u/LetThemEatHay said: “That woman has no place to deal with patients or their parents if she doesn’t understand that the ‘real’ parents are the parents who have f **k is shown.”
newsweek Contacted u/whattheactualf**k13 for comments.
Mom’s post from the popular Reddit forum isn’t the first to garner attention online.
Last week, a teen who said he kicked his sister out of school went viral, as did a man whose wife said he “embarrassed” his mother-in-law over dinner.
And in March, a mom-to-be went viral saying she banned her husband and his family from the delivery room because they attempted to name her baby without consulting her.