I met Kevin through my brother-in-law because they grew up in the same neighborhood and we started dating in 2017. We had and still do have a great relationship and a very strong, passionate love for each other. She is my number one cheerleader and supports me a lot, my dreams and everything I want to do in my life. Therefore, when he and I had been together for three years, he agreed to open up our relationship.
I’ve been curious for a while, although it was a thought that I didn’t really follow. But Kevin and I were very open-minded and communicated a lot, so I would mention to him from time to time what I was thinking about being with a woman. But over time, I realized that this was something we could do together.
I know there are a lot of poly compounds where someone leaves alone and has a different relationship, away from their partner, and that strengthens their relationship. But I felt that this approach would take away from the relationship we had with Kevin – we had such a strong love for each other and we wanted to keep building on that with someone else.
Kevin was on board from the very beginning. And so in 2020 we decided to look for another woman to join our relationship.
We met Megan on an app that specializes in polyamorous dating. Initially, we wanted something more short-term. But Megan is very witty, absolutely gorgeous, and gives you that comfort that makes you feel happy. Being with her was very pleasant for us. Kevin and I later talked about how much fun we had with Megan, and it made us realize we could build a more real relationship out of it that Megan was also on board with. We have been together ever since and moved in together in July 2021.
I think it was a bit hard for Megan at first because Kevin and I had been together for three years. However, she would come to us and say that she felt left out and we would do everything in our power to make her feel the same amount of love. We did our best to make her feel welcome and set a new anniversary date so she would know it was the three of us in a relationship, not her relationship with two people.
We’re all new to the poly community, so I’m not sure our situation is typical of most groups, but we’re all equal in this relationship. We have the same amount of love for each other.
We want people to know this is a normal relationship. Polyamory is taboo and becomes s*xualized, but for us we are like a normal couple, but with three people. This is very normal for us. If you’ve seen our normal life, it’s not crazy – we are home bodies, mostly we hang out at home. I think the biggest difference we notice is when we go out on dates, and when we walk down the street, all three of us hold hands, we are looked at a lot.
I think our relationship is great because of the extra love we get. Lots of people get love and support from just one partner – and I had it with Kevin – but now I feel like I’m getting a lot of love. If I’m having a bad day, it can be reversed quickly because I have two people saying, “OK, what can we do? What do you need?” I still feel comfortable and happy.
Of course, the three of us face challenges. Even small things like choosing a food, movie, or activity for the day can be a bit more difficult because now you have three people giving their opinion. But even so, I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t like about this relationship.
When two of us want to do something and a third person is not interested, we usually try to find a compromise. Kevin and I really like Disneyland and Megan is not a fan. If she goes with us, we will compromise and go on her favorite rides or eat something she really enjoys to make the trip more interesting for her. But at other times, when someone is strongly opposed to a particular activity, two of us will come out and do something on our own.
Likewise, the three of us are intimate with each other most of the time. But if one person is not interested in the party, the other two are absolutely welcome. We understand that each of us can be a part of it if we want to, but we don’t want to force anyone to do so. So if only two people feel it, they can go and do it on their own.
In the first nine months of our relationship, I experienced feelings of jealousy. I’ve been with Kevin for three years and it has been hard to meet my partner with anyone else.
But over time, I worked on my insecurity and learned to look at it differently. I love both Kevin and Megan and now see their love as something beautiful. It brings me more happiness.
We don’t really experience jealousy anymore because we’ve managed to build mutual trust and understanding.
However, there are still times where I can feel left out. I work in the office while Kevin and Megan work from home, so they are together all day. So when I come home from work, sometimes I think, OK, I want that love and attention too. I’ll tell them this. Both Kevin and Megan helped me overcome these feelings.
I told my parents about my relationship last year and they accepted it. I think they just want me to be happy. All our friends accept that too. Everyone treats Megan as one of their friends and they love her very much.
Most of the feedback we receive about our TikTok videos is also positive. We started publishing videos about our relationship in June 2022, and they quickly gained a lot of attention. We got responses from people saying that our relationship was inspiring and that we helped them “go out” to their parents.
Of course, as with everything, we also get a bit of negativity. People say they don’t accept that we have multiple partners. Most of the negative answers bring religion into this and say we have no morality. But I would say 90 percent of our comments are very positive.
Looking ahead, none of us want to get married or have children. But we wanted to move from California to Colorado because we want more land and be in nature. So that’s the main thing we’ve set ourselves for the future. Then we’ll just walk away.
All views expressed in this article are those of the author.
As Katie Russell said.